Today a lot happened.
After the morning shenanigans and errands, I made my way into the city. I headed down the West Side Highway all the way to Clarckson. Three lefts and I was at SoulCycle headquarters.
I had been planning to go all week. I had a bike in my friend's class and knew it was time to show my face around there again. So many people that I hadn't yet seen whom I spent the entire summer seeing daily.
Two days ago I told Conor I wasn't sure if I wanted to "make the trek in". Before I could spout another justification he jumped down my throat: "It's time to get back at it already...". Yada yada. I knew. I know.
Yesterday I texted him a few excuses why I wasn't going to to. I got yelled at over text. It went a little something like this: GO INOT THE CITY EVE! COME ON! THIS IS GO TIME! GET BACK IN THE GAME! IT'S TIME! Stop making excuses! From what I have heard about Jonny, he would want you to finish what you have started and continue to pursue what makes you happy!
I was annoyed. And angry. Irrationally. But he was right. I guess a good friend knows when you need to be yelled at.
I didn't know how nervous I was until I got out of the car and made my way to the front door. My heart was racing. But I wasn't sure why. Nothing specific. Everything vague.
I entered timidly. Smiled at friendly faces. Got a lots of sad looks and tight hugs. I was shaky. Locker. Shoes. Water. Walked into the studio. When I walked into the room, my friend teaching the class almost fell off the podium. Hugs. Tiny tears. Composure. Got on my bike.
The ride was amazing. I rode next to a really sweet girl who reads LLL. I felt strong and supported, even if nervous. After I snuck into the offices to make my rounds. It was really good to see everyone I saw. Hard, but good.
I was proud of myself. It IS time to get back at it. Slowly as I regain strength. Learn who I am now. Decide how I want to be. How I need to be.
It was a huge stepping stone for me.
I drove home. More errands. My mother-in-law came over. Then my sister-in-law Andrea. The cousins. Her and her kids stayed for an impromptu chinese delivery dinner and ice cream. The kids piled into my bed and watched a movie. We were three adults, five kids, three dogs at the dinner table. It was perfect.
Nothing is normal. Everything is different. But here's the thing: the good moment mean so much more.