First Steps to "Back at It"

The Cousins

The Cousins Today a lot happened.

After the morning shenanigans and errands, I made my way into the city.  I headed down the West Side Highway all the way to Clarckson.  Three lefts and I was at SoulCycle headquarters.

I had been planning to go all week.  I had a bike in my friend's class and knew it was time to show my face around there again.  So many people that I hadn't yet seen whom I spent the entire summer seeing daily.

Two days ago I told Conor I wasn't sure if I wanted to "make the trek in".  Before I could spout another justification he jumped down my throat: "It's time to get back at it already...".  Yada yada.  I knew.  I know.

Yesterday I texted him a few excuses why I wasn't going to to.  I got yelled at over text.  It went a little something like this: GO INOT THE CITY EVE!  COME ON!  THIS IS GO TIME!  GET BACK IN THE GAME!  IT'S TIME!  Stop making excuses!  From what I have heard about Jonny, he would want you to finish what you have started and continue to pursue what makes you happy!

I was annoyed.  And angry.  Irrationally.  But he was right.  I guess a good friend knows when you need to be yelled at.

I didn't know how nervous I was until I got out of the car and made my way to the front door.  My heart was racing.  But I wasn't sure why.  Nothing specific.  Everything vague.

I entered timidly.  Smiled at friendly faces.  Got a lots of sad looks and tight hugs.  I was shaky.  Locker.  Shoes.  Water.  Walked into the studio.  When I walked into the room, my friend teaching the class almost fell off the podium.  Hugs.  Tiny tears.  Composure.  Got on my bike.

The ride was amazing.  I rode next to a really sweet girl who reads LLL.  I felt strong and supported, even if nervous.  After I snuck into the offices to make my rounds.  It was really good to see everyone I saw.  Hard, but good.

I was proud of myself.  It IS time to get back at it.  Slowly as I regain strength.  Learn who I am now.  Decide how I want to be.  How I need to be.

It was a huge stepping stone for me.

I drove home.  More errands.  My mother-in-law came over.  Then my sister-in-law Andrea.  The cousins.  Her and her kids stayed for an impromptu chinese delivery dinner and ice cream.  The kids piled into my bed and watched a movie.  We were three adults, five kids, three dogs at the dinner table.  It was perfect.

Nothing is normal.  Everything is different.  But here's the thing: the good moment mean so much more.