I didn't want to wake up today. Richie woke up early and started talking to me. "How are we going to do this?". I ignored him. I was not ready. How do you will yourself to get out of bed and start your day when you know it's going to be the worst day of your life? Almost immediately I realized that today, when I told people, it would be: Jonny died two days ago. Yesterday he had died just yesterday. Soon it would be a week ago. Then a month ago. For that I am not prepared. It's strange that I feel I want to freeze time in these terrible days and stay here. But if I do, he's somehow closer to me that way.
So here I go, into the day that we bury my baby brother Jonny Kessner. I don't know how I will survive it.
I love him. I will always love him. It was that way either way.