Yesterday was a tough one. We're not back to real life, but the umph of the shiva has subsided. We had too much time to think. Too much quiet.
As the day waned, I realized that I wasn't the only one struggling. A bunch of us were. After a better day the day before, we expected, at least, and equally good day. It was hard to swallow.
The taste of getting back to regular life and the still rawness of Jonny's funeral was all to real. But real is what we need to face. Real is what we are walking into. Real is our situation. Our new normal.
People say: "You'll have your good days and you'll have your bad." And you know that it's probably true. But it doesn't feel like what you expected it to. A bad day really hits you where it hurts. A bad day can take the breath out of you.
Today is the last day of shiva. We are going to take the rest of the week into the long weekend to transition back to life by going to our family house at the beach to spend time together and alone, get ourselves prepared for real life, the start of fall, a new year (Rosh Hashana is brimming).
I found this quotation from a book I read and loved a while back. Seemed fitting:
“We would not wake up from this nightmare to find out it was someone's real life, and for once that someone wasn't just a poor unlucky nobody in a shack you could forget about. It was our life, the only one we were going to have.” ― Barbara Kingsolver, The Poisonwood Bible
May today be better. Stronger.