Today is a day I needed to search for the positive. I needed to keep trying to find it because the world felt heavy. Things seemed to be working against me. I was tired.
We started the day way to early. In the middle of the night actually. I was up twice with the dog and once with Bar before she decided to come into our bed at 4am. I didn't get much sleep between then and the hour Richie gave me a 7a.
That hour made us all late for our days. Both girls late to school. It was Bar's first day. Traffic on the way to SoulCycle. No spots and the garage was closed. I walked into my most important and necessary class of the week 6 minutes late. That class though put me back on a better energy level. Then rush to shower and pick up Avi from school. I had exactly an hour with her to spend some "special time". Sushi and candy. Candy for her and of course Bar, but most importantly my friend Conor who had surgery yesterday. Spending some time with him was on the list for later. Then a conference with her Kindergarten teacher. Her then me. Drop her off. Speed to Conor's. Quality time with him while he's laid up in bed. Rush home for dinner to find that Richie has decided to stay in the city with friends. Hence last minute alone evening with two kids (one extremely cranky from no sleep), our dog Sophie (the easiest of the bunch), and a very very brand new puppy who needs to go out every 20 minutes.
Bar needed to be held most of the night. As does puppy Ellie since we're trying to avoid accidents in the house. Bedtime came late because no one wanted to go. Finally I put Bar to bed, the puppy in her crate, and started to read the first out of two books to Avi when I hear Bar screaming at the top of her lungs. I mean really wailing. I give it time, maybe she'll lie back down and drink her bottle and fall asleep. No luck though. In fact the puppy hears Bar and starts crying. So I have a screaming 2 year old, a crying 8 week old puppy, and Avi telling me to keep reading. She just cannot go to sleep without me reading to her and then lying with her.
Bedtime took an hour and a half. Writing this post I realize there is a long list of other things I should be doing. Filling out forms for Avi's school, getting the puppy's papers in order, getting all our bags ready for the morning, music research, responding to emails, emptying boxes, organizing my home, laundry...
And all of that is overwhelming alone. But with the weight of Jonny gone it feels like just too much. So I ignore whatever I can afford to for the minute. Procrastinate. And blog.
Thank you all for listening. Thank you all for the amazing emails and love you've sent my way in so many different forms. Thank each and every one of you who sees me and asks how I'm doing and then immediately recognizes how difficult a question that is to answer. Thank you.