Today is a new day. We all woke up here at our beach house and it's good to be together. Although there is no getting around the gaping hole in our family, we are so lucky to have so many of us to pick each other up.
Our family is strong. Always has been. It's something my father-in-law has always prided himself on. And it's something impressive. We are left with 2 parents, 4 brothers, 4 sister-in-laws, 9 grandkids. And that's just immediate family.
After putting all but the baby (only 1 month old yet) to bed last night we all sat around the couch that was once in their childhood summer home (old and beat up, but incredibly comfortable and creased with memories). We rented a movie and it was the first time in what feels like ages that I had seen a tv screen on. Blankets and arms cuddled us together and I sat for a couple hours with the baby sleeping on my chest to give my brother and sister a break from baby holding. It was incredible. Babies literally breathe life into you. His smell, his warmth, his calm energy healed me just a little, just as much as I could be, just as much as I needed in that moment.
I am trying to find strength in being with my family. Knowing that we are strong. Knowing that they are there for me. Knowing that we will get through this..., but not without each other.