21 Days

It has been exactly three weeks since we buried Jonny.  In a Facebook post yesterday, Robbie said that it had been 20 days.  For some reason that really struck a chord with me.  It sat funny with me all day.  And though I spend the day super busy, running around from thing to thing, starting early and ending late, too busy to think, I couldn't shake that number.

2o days does not feel like that much time.  In normal life three weeks flies by in the blink of an eye.  20 days is not that many...

Yet I find myself unsettled with it.  While everything still feels fresh and raw, it simultaneously feels like forever that we've been in this space in time.  It sounds like a short period of time, yet my life before this feels like ages ago.  Forever ago.  Everything was so different.  It's hard to remember that feeling.  It's hard to want to get back to it.  Everything is so different.

21 days ago, my everything was turned upside down and shaken.  What was once so clear is fuzzy.  I had a straight line leading my path and now it's crooked.  My perspective is changed.  My plans are different.  My focus is redirected.  My energy is stronger.  My priorities are shifted.

21 days ago the way I saw the world was starkly different from the world I see today.  The good, the bad, the ugly.  If what we are dealt is predetermined, what we do after is in our own hands...  May I learn from this to love indiscriminately, be more silly, hold strength always, see only light.